


mr hollywood

by blackbirddan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbirddan/pseuds/blackbirddan
Summary: It’s cold, his cookie was awful, Dan’s on the other side of the world and Phil’s lonely.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 17
Kudos: 64





	mr hollywood

**Author's Note:**

> I have no information on how long Dan may or may not be in the US for, this is just inspired by the possibly-totally-incorrect rumour that his stay there might be a long one. If that doesn't end up being the case, hopefully this fic can still be enjoyed as a 'what if’.

_It'll be fine_ , he'd said. _The time'll fly by._

Phil looked up at the hail hammering against his skylight. He'd been watching an episode of _The Crown_ until the weather had worsened, the hailstones drowning out his TV. He'd paused it and was currently waiting for the clouds to pass so he could carry on watching, but it was certainly dragging on at the moment. 

He glanced over at Norman's tank. Could he hear the cacophony in the room? Did it scare him? Or was he blissfully unaware? 

"It's just the weather, Norm," he said to the empty room. Norman, settled on his leaf, didn't move. 

Phil sighed. No wonder Dan had chosen January to head to LA. No doubt there was glorious sunshine there right now. 

It had been nearly a week since he'd left, and Phil was starting to feel the separation keenly. It wasn't so much the time that had passed - it had only been a few days - but the time that stretched before him, seeming endless. It'd be spring before he saw Dan again - it made his stomach twist unpleasantly every time he thought about it. They'd never been apart this long before, and while he wasn't _worried_ about it, the reality was certainly proving tougher than he’d imagined.

They'd talked about it at length when the opportunity had presented itself a while back, and Dan had become reticent when he'd been told how long he would need to stay out there for. Phil didn't love the idea of him being gone for so long, but he could see how much it meant to Dan, how he lit up when he talked about it, and what was a few months in the grand scheme of things, Phil had thought? 

Quite a fucking lot, as it turned out. 

The hail was turning to rain, quieting against the window, but Phil didn't feel like unpausing the show just yet.

He certainly didn't resent Dan following his dreams, of course, and it had been a decision they'd made together, but it had seemed so far away and nebulous back then. It had sounded so exciting and glamorous, and Phil had jokingly called him Mr Hollywood for at least a week after he'd signed the contract.

But now he was gone, and Phil was left alone in wintry London. His mum had called him earlier about his birthday plans, which had only reminded him of everything that was coming up soon. He'd spent his birthday and Valentine’s Day without Dan before, but not for a long time, and he had to admit it stung. 

It wasn't like his birthday was going to be awful. He was going to his parents’ as usual, staying in the Isle of Man for a few extra days for the company (and his mum's cooking). Then he was going to stop over in Manchester for a bit to catch up with some folks, and take a little trip across to York to see university friends and some more relatives. And then there'd be a couple of parties back home in London with friends, and his brother. It’d be a really fun couple of weeks, filled with celebrations and company.

Just - all of it without Dan. Not only was he so far away, but he'd be asleep for most of Phil's daytime, then working until long after the time Phil would already be in bed. He’d hit the ground running in America and was already working so hard, early mornings leading into late nights.

The end result would be amazing, of course. Phil was sworn to secrecy for now, but he couldn't wait for the world to know the secrets Dan held so close to his chest. It was almost surreal that Dan, _his Dan_ , was doing something so big and bold. He couldn't be more proud of him, and he knew it would all be worth it in the end. He’d support him in anything he chose to do.

And yet, that didn't help him feel better right now, alone and aimless in the flat. Even adding a couple of new letters to the growing pile of Dan’s mail had almost made him cry earlier. Everything just - felt wrong.

It had actually been fun, at first, like it always was when Dan went away on holiday - he’d starfished out in the bed, he'd played whatever music he wanted in whatever room he wanted, he'd left the washing up and the tidying up for far longer than he usually would without any nagging, he'd enjoyed the quiet and played a bunch of games on the big TV.

But the novelty had worn off extremely quickly. Usually by this point, Phil knew he only had another week or so to go, and so the feeling became an almost pleasant wistfulness - seven days or so quite a bearable amount of time to wait for their reunion. But now, the reality of the time stretching out ahead of him had solidly set in. Now, he’d have given anything to be nagged about the mess in the kitchen.

It wasn't as though Dan was on the moon, of course. Phil could text him any time he wanted, but the huge time difference and Dan's long working hours meant their time for proper conversation was limited. They were making an effort, but it was very different to how it was when Dan was just down the road in Reading, or even when Phil was in Florida. They'd tried to find some time to game or watch TV together online, but so far it had been impossible to fit it in. 

I’m just having a bad day today, Phil thought to himself. Those would come, and the best thing to do was to keep busy and probably get an early night, if he could turn off his brain enough to actually do that. Even the giant cookie he’d bought himself earlier as a pick-me-up had been disappointing - stale and unpleasant. He bet any cookies that Dan bought wouldn’t be disappointing. They'd be perfect, like everything else in LA.

Except he wouldn't be eating cookies, would he, he'd be eating _craft services_ with his new showbiz pals...

 _Stop it,_ Phil said to himself. Spiralling, letting his mind wander unpleasantly, never did him any good.

 _disappointing cookie :(_ he had texted Dan earlier, before kicking himself mentally. Dan was in the middle of his first few days on set, some of the most stressful and exciting days of his life; why would he care if Phil had a nasty cookie? 

His phone lit up - a text from Martyn - and after he'd replied, Phil looked again at the last selfie Dan had sent, a few days ago now. He was beaming, joyful, skin already kissed golden by the sun, the Hollywood skyline stretched out behind him. They'd done that same hike together last year. 

He closed the photo, and put his phone down again. His usual distraction when he couldn’t focus was to scroll through Twitter, or send some silly video he’d found to the family group chat (which Dan was also in), but he found he couldn’t even focus on that at the moment.

Pride and sadness seemed to constantly be at war inside him. In this period of adjustment, his emotions had been veering between thinking _why couldn’t he have done this in London? Why did he have to go so far away for so long?_ , and feeling so delighted for Dan that it felt like his heart would burst out of his chest with it.

He’d tried to keep the mantra of _keep busy, keep busy_ in his head. Tony's old tank still sat empty, maybe it might be fun to get a new packet of eggs? Cornelia, perhaps realising he'd need something to do, had given him a voucher for a candle-making class for Christmas, along with the VR bar tickets she and Martyn had bought so they could all spend one last night out together before Dan left. Maybe he should get around to actually booking the class. Perhaps it'd be a good time to get back to his boxing lessons, too.

But in the quieter moments, like tonight, he couldn't help but feel left behind, somehow, even if he knew logically that wasn’t at all the case. He wondered if Dan would feel homesick. He never had been either time they’d been on tour, but Phil had been with him then. It certainly didn't look like it so far; in fact according to the photos and updates he was sending he was having the time of his life. He certainly looked happy, and with his packed schedule he might not even have _time_ to get homesick. It was almost odd to see his updates on this new project, as when embarking on something this new and huge, Phil was usually there too.

He'd gone to send a quick _miss you_ earlier but had then stopped himself. What was the point? He'd sent so many already, and Dan knew he missed him. It wouldn't make the time pass any faster, and there was no need for him to compound his own sadness, or make Dan feel any worse. 

His phone lit up again, and his heart skipped when he saw it was a message from Dan. 

_:c  
how come?_

Phil stared at it in confusion before realising it was a reply to his _disappointing cookie_ text earlier. 

_just wasn't very nice_ he replied, before tossing his phone on the couch and going to make a coffee. As the kettle boiled, he felt slightly bad about his terse reply. It wasn’t Dan’s fault he was having a bad day. Perhaps he wouldn’t notice, anyway.

By the time he returned to the couch with his coffee, Dan had replied again.

Dan: _u ok  
sry just saw ur txt, crazy day so far -_-_

Phil: _Yeah. tired_

Dan: _me too. 4am start ugggh >_<_

Phil: _well that's what you signed up for mr hollywood_

Dan: _oi.  
what's up?_

Ooh, he was using punctuation; he was serious, thought Phil. 

Phil had never been anything other than honest with Dan, and his mouth twisted sadly as he replied. 

Phil: _nothing, just missing you a lot is all  
seems like such a long time still to go, you know  
but dw i'll live lol_

He'd added the last sentence to soften the blow a little. _Don't worry._

Dan replied with a crying emoji. Phil was struck by the contrast from the grinning selfie he'd sent previously, and slightly regretted turning the conversation in this direction. 

Dan: _wyd rn?_

Phil: _TV  
shockingly _

Dan: _nice  
sry about your cookie_

Phil swallowed around the lump suddenly forming in his throat. 

That was what it all boiled down to, really, wasn't it? It was nothing to do with distance, or timezones, or the uncertainty of career changes. He just missed Dan. He'd never lived alone for so long in his life, and even when they'd been apart before, they'd been able to talk more often than this. He kept wanting to tell Dan things and remembering he couldn’t seemed to make something inside him cry out in pain. 

He knew he was being a bit melodramatic, but he was tired, and spring was a long way away.

Phil: _Nbd. I'll buy 50 nice cookies tmrw_

Dan: _save some for me_

Phil: _They'd be stale af  
And mouldy  
But I'll buy some closer to the time for u_

Dan: _;_; thx_

Phil typed out another message, already steeling himself for the reply. 

Phil: _are u free at any point b4 bed 2nite? For a few mins_

Dan: _for u, of course  
i know i've been so shit at it this wk, things have been a lot  
like good a lot but also scary  
things should settle down a bit after this wk  
but i want to talk to u properly u know  
i miss u_

Phil: _;_;  
k. let me know your schedule mr hollywood_

Dan: _k i'll get my guys to call ur guys_

Phil: _u r my guy_

Dan: _much easier then, cut out the middleman, gdgd_

Phil felt himself smiling like he hadn't all day. Maybe his disappointing cookie text had been a good idea after all. 

_This_ was how they’d get through this - he knew Dan wouldn’t be bothered by any of his messages, and almost couldn’t remember why he’d ever thought that, even for a moment. If their situations were reversed and Phil was away, he’d want to hear every silly, stray thought that crossed Dan’s mind, a comfort for when he was so far from home. Phil was still in their flat, their familiar things around him, while Dan was alone on the other side of the world, even if he was surrounded by glamour and excitement. While he was thrilled to be following a long-held dream, Phil knew it was also very draining for him and, as Dan had put it before he left, “fucking terrifying, actually”.

He resolved to send every single _miss you_ that flitted through his mind.

Dan: _gotta go :(_

Phil's smile fell. 

Phil: _ok talk later plz  
I'll have 9 coffees to stay awake _

Dan: _u don't have to. u said u were tired, it’s ok if u need to sleep_

Phil: _I want to talk  
And I can sleep in tomoz unlike you hahahaha_

Dan: _> :o_

Phil: _ttyl hollywood  
<3 _

He stared at the black heart Dan sent in reply for several long moments, before draining the last of his lukewarm coffee. 

Sometimes, it was so hard not to get overwhelmed by the length of time still in front of them. But thinking of it like that wouldn’t do either of them any good - they’d get through it, Dan would come home and in the meantime, the world wouldn’t end. One day at a time.

He sent Dan a screenshot of his contact in his phone changed to _Dan Howellywood_ , pulled their soft, black blanket back over himself, and unpaused his show.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Reblog [here](https://blackbirddan.tumblr.com/post/190315207946/fic-mr-hollywood) on tumblr. :)


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